When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from her every day, and you do, you know, you run down the list, and it feels very much like a chore.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Bill has three goldfish. He buys two more. How many dogs live in London?

All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re a genius!”

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.