Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.

I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

Sadness is poetic. You're lucky to live sad moments. When you let yourself be sad, your body has antibodies. It has happiness that comes rushing in to meet the sadness.

Maybe God is an asshole...of course not, he's not an asshole, he's imaginary.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.