Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on!

People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

I wish I could [keep a journal]. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff.

Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.

Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.