Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on!

Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a whole form and all his jokes are poems. So it's different. I wanted to do it like George Carlin. Now I do it like me.

A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.

The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.

It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.

Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you it's a good idea to buy a developing mind a video game?

I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do.