It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.'

Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago.' No it very wasn't. It was 140 years ago...that's two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That's how recently you could buy a guy.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.