Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

I've always benefited from knowing machines well, because it's freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.

My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I'm able to tell little stories that don't necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they're getting. I think it's more fun to watch something when you're discovering it as you go along.

I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

I grew up in a generation that had exponential technological advances.

Dating is horrible, it's awful. I don't get it. It's like you're standing there: 'Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn't?' It's horrible. And it's awkward at 42 because I don't have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in.