Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth.

Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if that's true.

I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.

One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street. I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered on the street! Don't you care about the environment? And I thought about it, and I said, You know what? This isn't the environment. This is New York City. New York City is not the environment. New York City is a giant piece of litter. Next to Mexico City, it's the shittiest piece of litter in the world. Just a pussy, runny, smokin', stinkin' piece of litter.

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.