There's people that say โIt's not fair You have all that stuff.โ I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you're new at this- and by โnew at it.โ I mean 15 years in, or even 20- you're just starting to grow traction. Young musicians believe they should be able to throw a band together and be famous, and anything that's in their way is unfair and evil. What are you, in your 20s, you picked up a guitar? Give it a minute.
Louis C. K.Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
Louis C. K.I finally have the body I want. Itโs easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.
Louis C. K.All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, itโs like, โHey, Iโve got a cup in case we need another cup.โ โDude, youโre a genius!โ
Louis C. K.Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on!
Louis C. K.If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."
Louis C. K.