I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access tv station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.

I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now.

Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.