You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

Sometimes I just want to tell a story regardless of whether it fits what the show is saying. I’ve been in a lot of writing rooms where somebody says an idea and everyone’s dying, like laughing so they’re delirious. It’s like a black hole in a good way, everything starts to fall into it, you know what I mean.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it.

Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will give it to you.

...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.