You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?'

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.

Plenty of crazy people in New York. There are so many crazy people here, I think it's like one out of every one person is completely out of their mind.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?