Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.

It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.