I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk.

I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.

I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.

You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself into Harvard, that's a good way to go, because every Harvard graduating class, the agencies come trolling around and they'll look for you. So if you go to Harvard, you'll get found there.