religion's for those who believe in hell and a spiritual belief is for those who've been there.

A lady is as young as the gentleman she feels," said Roy and cackled happily.

religion's for those who believe in hell and a spiritual belief is for those who've been there.

More and more people each year are going abroad for Christmas ... Fed up with the fact that commercial Christmas starts in October. Fed up with carols. Dreading the arrival of Christmas cards from people they have forgotten to send a card to. Unable to bear yet another family get-together with Auntie Mary puking up in the corner after sampling too much of the punch. You see in the airports the triumphant glitter in the eyes of people who are leaving it all behind, including the hundredth rerun of Miracle on 34th Street.

Do you know why more people don't sober up? Because they don't wear their livers on the outside. If everyone wore their liver on their forehead, say, it would be on full view and people would say, 'Heffens, Jock, that liver of yours is looking fair hobnailed,' and they would get shamed into doing something about it.

Okay, I'm lazy. But being lazy is a talent. Sometimes it takes an awful lot of work.

That was the trouble with so many reality programmes on television - everyone wanted fame these days without necessarily working at anything to achieve it.