Ah, when love dies, women lose two and a half inches in height.

the whistle of the old steam trains ... could conjure up visions of bleak distances with one solitary wail.

Just at the turn of the tide, nature held its breath - no bird sang, everything seemed to be waiting and waiting. And then, sure enough, as if someone had flicked a switch, everything started in motion again.

A lady is as young as the gentleman she feels," said Roy and cackled happily.

Do you know why more people don't sober up? Because they don't wear their livers on the outside. If everyone wore their liver on their forehead, say, it would be on full view and people would say, 'Heffens, Jock, that liver of yours is looking fair hobnailed,' and they would get shamed into doing something about it.

Okay, I'm lazy. But being lazy is a talent. Sometimes it takes an awful lot of work.

I never wanted to be a literary writer. I wanted to be an entertainer. All I wanted was to give what a lot of writers had given me: a good time on a bad day.