The censors wouldn't even let me sit on a guy's lap, and I've been on more laps than a table-napkin.
In my long and colorful career, one thing stands out: I have been misunderstood.
Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
The finest woman that ever walked the streets.
JUDGE: Are you trying to show contempt for this court? MAE WEST: I was doin' my best to hide it.
Reason was nowhere, time was an immovable object nailed high on the wall, except where the world kept shop.