The whole point of marriage is to stop you getting anywhere near real life. You think it's a great struggle with the mystery of being. It's more like being smothered in warm cocoa. There's sex, but it's not what you think. Marvellous, for the first fortnight. Then every Wednesday. If there isn't a good late-night concert on the Third. Meanwhile you become a biological functionary. An agent of the great female womb, spawning away, dumping its goods in your lap for succour. Daddy, daddy, we're here, and we're expensive.

If God had meant us to have group sex, I guess he'd have given us all more organs.

Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship

I like the English. They have the most rigid code if immorality in the world.

Here we have a saying: a good friend is someone who visits you when you are in prison. But a really good friend is someone who comes to hear your lectures.

Most beds aren't as intimate as people think they are.