If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.

I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else.

You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.