All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.

Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?