Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.

If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it.

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.