I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.

I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.

I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.

Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.