You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone.

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?

All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull.