I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.