Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.

Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.