Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?

I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.

I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.

Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.

All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.