I would've been able to write anything about mental-health crises had I not felt good.

I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.

Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.

Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!

If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.

If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite