I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.

I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities... but their moods create weather.

Time flies when you are anxious!

If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry.

I'm not looking for much, I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.