I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of s**t that I don't need, that I refuse to share with others.

Here's the Middle East. Here's the mosque, here's the church, open the temple, everybody's MAD!

My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time

If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.

I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.

I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice.