I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
Maria BamfordI express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
Maria BamfordMy mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
Maria BamfordGet out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.
Maria Bamford