If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite

Here's the Middle East. Here's the mosque, here's the church, open the temple, everybody's MAD!

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.

I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.

I have trouble watching singers because they are so sincere.

I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of s**t that I don't need, that I refuse to share with others.

Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.