I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.

I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities... but their moods create weather.

My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.

I love support groups, people talking about their feelings.

If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of s**t that I don't need, that I refuse to share with others.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry.