Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.

Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.

The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.

You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.

No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.

When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.