You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

Do right and you will be conspicuous.

The report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

Preachers are always pleasant company when they are off duty.