Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has acquired at second-hand and adopted without examination, to a trained congregation which accepts them without examination, and neither the speaker nor the hearer laughs at himself. It does seem as if we ought to be humble when we are at a bench-show, and not put on airs of intellectual superiority there.

I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.

The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.

One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.