I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

A policeman in plain clothes is a man; in his uniform he is ten. Clothes and title are the most potent thing, the most formidable influence, in the earth. They move the human race to willing and spontaneous respect for the judge, the general, the admiral, the bishop, the ambassador, the frivolous earl, the idiot duke, the sultan, the king, the emperor. No great title is efficient without clothes to support it.

The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.

You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends

The critic's symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else's dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.