Our Congresses consist of Christians. In their private life they are true to every obligation of honor; yet in every session they violate them all, and do it without shame. Because honor to party is above honor to themselves.
Mark TwainSeasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
Mark TwainThe report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark TwainOnly laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
Mark TwainIf we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and furnish him with his orders: Depart into the uttermost corners of the earth and, diligently do your appointed work. Persecute the sick child, settle upon its eyes, its face, its hands, and gnaw and pester and sting, worry and fret and madden the worn and tried mother who watches by the child and humbly prays for mercy and relief with the pathetic faith of the deceived and the unteachable.
Mark Twain