After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

As to the human race. There are many pretty and winning things about the human race. It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it-it is like hitting a child.

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]

There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.