Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.