Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.