It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

When the human race has once acquired a superstition, nothing short of death is ever likely to remove it.

A sound heart is a surer guide than an ill-trained conscience.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

The self taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers, and besides, he brags, and is the means of fooling other thoughtless people into going and doing as he himself has done.

A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read.

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.