It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.

I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.

If there is one thing that is really cheerful in the world, it is cheerfulness. I have noticed it often. And I have noticed that when a man is right down cheerful, he is seldom unhappy for the time being. Such is the nature of man.

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.