Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled.

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.