Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.

Such is professional jealousy; a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself. There is no feeling of brotherhood among these people. Indeed, they always resent it when I call them brother. To show how far their ungenerosity can carry them, I will state that I offered to let Prof. H--y publish my great theory as his own discovery; I even begged him to do it; I even proposed to print it myself as his theory. Instead of thanking me, he said that if I tried to fasten that theory on him he would sue me for slander.

Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes.

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.