Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.

No throne exists that has a right to exist, and no symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which differs from royalty only businesswise-merely as retail differs from wholesale.

If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.