Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is; it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.

What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.

Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.