Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.