Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.

We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.

None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.

Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest.