I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.

Homely truth is unpalatable.

Look at the mother of Washington! She raised a boy that could not tell a lie--could not tell a lie! But he never had any chance. It might have been different if he had belonged to the Washington Newspaper Correspondents' Club