I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

in order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.

I never could keep a promise. I do not blame myself for this weakness, because the fault must lie in my physical organization. It is likely that such a very liberal amount of space was given to the organ which enables me to make promises that the organ which should enable me to keep them was crowded out. But I grieve not. I like no half-way things. I had rather have one faculty nobly developed than two faculties of mere ordinary capacity.

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth.