My own luck has been curious all my literary life; I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

...many foolish persons, wanderers from other parts, have the vain fashion of graving their names and the obscure places whence they come, upon its stones, which is silly and marketh the doer for a fool.