Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

Comparison is the death of joy.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.