Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.

Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.

We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

If I were required to guess off-hand, and without collusion with higher minds, what is the bottom cause of the amazing material and intellectual advancement of the last fifty years, I should guess that it was the modern-born and previously non-existent disposition on the part of men to believe that a new idea can have value.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.