God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.