The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.