The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.

The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.

None but the dead are permitted to tell the truth.

I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.