Man is the only animal that deals in that atorcity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind.

I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.

You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

If the world ends, I'll just head on down to Kentucky because they're always 20 years behind.

a fully belly is little worth where the mind is starved.