The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.

Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths to destroy it.

Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment.

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.