I am only human, although I regret it.

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

It is easy to make plans in this world; even a cat can do it; and when one is out in those remote oceans it is noticeable that a cat's plans and a man's are worth about the same. There is much the same shrinkage in both, in the matter of values.

Never do wrong when people are looking.

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]