There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

Start it at no particular time of your life; wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment; drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.