There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.

A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.

All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.

I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.