There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]

If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.